joedai's love

LOVE
What is LOVE?
LOVE is always enigmatic?
LOVE is something like you have in your mind and heart and turns into a deep big feeling towards somebody that you really want to have.
Happiness is what we do feel every time we fall in love and we will always hope it lasts forever.
What is it called ‘TRUE LOVE’?
A lot of people don’t believe in this but some still have and keep it and a few of them don’t even realize they have it. There is something we have to know about what TRUE LOVES is? I truly believe, the first time we feel love or fall in love, we always have a pure feeling and that! what I call ’TRUE LOVE’. FIRST LOVE, yeah this is the first time when we feel that we want somebody and miss them in a pure feeling that changes us a lot, so we sometimes don’t realize that our first love actually a TRUE LOVE we have but we always let it go for our first love doesn’t work out.
LOVE is so enigmatic. It sits between happiness and sadness, life and death. Some of us curse love and don’t believe in love as we have ever been hurt, sad, cheated or even tortured by love we own, therefore LOVE will be a word that becomes a nightmare every time we go to face it. It is so abstract that we are sometimes confused to understand it. Like I told you before, for the first time every one has a true love but it’s so sorry in the end they let it go.
Never try to understand what LOVE is? But try to know who you really are? And what kind of person are you? By that, you will fathom out what kind of love you have. LOVE IS US. Never forget about this! LOVE is US, every one is LOVE.

To LOVE SOMEONE we love.
A love we have is a good feeling towards somebody we want and we express it to them. In your imagination, happiness clouds you in order that your love will be accepted, YES…that would be happiness if it were accepted but what if it NOT? Disappointed? Angry? Or hurt? Can you still keep your love pure? One sided love. Is it hurt or what?
Being rejected is so hurt but we don’t have to worry about for our true love is being tested here.
Here, I want to share you some experiences I’ve ever undergone.
HASDA KASACI is a title given to this story. Here we go!
I almost stopped believing in what we often called as a TRUE LOVE let alone when I was in a doom of my love affair with a lass whom I thought that she would be my better half. Whatever it was! Love was tested at the moment but in the end of the story I lost the lass and what about love? Yeah, love that I had during with her. Did I lose it too?
Yeah! Did I lose love then when I lost the lass?
Wow…that was torturing and bloody hurt in essence after five years relationship but ended up in a bad ruin. Oh… my!
But the daylight came afterward and it exulted to my understanding that I have to keep my pure love. Even though I lost her it doesn’t mean I lost my love. Finally I fathomed out that actually I am love and she was just a place for love. That means when I lost her, I just lost the place of love and I have to find another suitable place for a great love of mind. What if I lost love? If I lost love means I lost my self and I won’t ever let it happen.
The person who initiates the love is actually they are the love and to whom they give their love is just a place, a home, a shelter for the love they have. And then never lose your love for it means you lose your own self. When I love someone means that I am someone’s love or ‘I’ am ‘LOVE’ in briefly.
Some diverse ways in expressing love.
When I say ‘I love you’ means I am ‘love’ and you? Can you be a shelter or a home to the love? And then I will ask you, “Do you accept my ‘love’?” And if you accept the love means I have to take a good care of you as the place, a home, a shelter to my love so that you will keep my love happily inside.
And so? What is HASDA KASACI in essence?
HASDA KASACI is a true love, patience and learning.

TRUE LOVE is our weakness but our strength.
A true love is like a morning calling, where your eyes are open for the first time from the nice dream you have in your nights. Your smile will take your lips as they move with a nice form under your lovely nose breathing in fresh morning air as a power for a true love to live.
A true love will be a weakness for us when we don’t realize that actually we have it. And then we will always try to find it, seek for it. Ask for it and we will become so bloody
stupid just because of it. And then we will be trapped in triangle love and become so confused and live in a choosing game, which one is the best for me? Which is my true love? Oh… man! Don’t we ever realize that they are just the place, we are the TRUE LOVE! We don’t have to find it, seek for it or ask for it. It has been us. We are the TRUE LOVE! Yes, we are.
A true love will be strength for us, if we fully understand who we really are, what kind of person we are. And you’ll be the precious thing in this universe. A heart will be a home; a shelter for all kinds of love for a heart doesn’t ever lie. Every time you are facing a feeling affair, you must be guided by your heart.
But most of us don’t know what our heart is, we just tend to neglect it and we just count on our feelings that exist in the head and the eyes only.
For your curiosity about what HASDA KASACI is, here is the story!
Written by Joe
The story is based on the true story.


HASDA KASACI
‘My weakness but my strength’
Work I

LOVE WORKS IN ENIGMATIC WAYS
The weather was vile; I was on the way home from campus. On a mini bus staring into no where space thru the mini bus window.
“Hey! D’you have the time?” asked I to a lass sitting beside me in the English class.
“Five more minutes we will finish the class, what’s up so hurry?”
“Ops! Nothing, just wanna go home”
“Be patient Joe! Five minutes don’t kill you, right?”
The bell was like a heaven for me to hear and I packed my stuffs and ready to jet home.
“Hey… Joe! Why so hurry?”
“Nothing, I am okay” answered I reluctantly.
“I just think that there’s something wrong with you, you are not as usual”
Yeah…you are down right! I said in my heart. This lass was like a clairvoyant somewhat, I just didn’t get it but she detected me.
“If you have some problems, come on! Share it! I am listening”. All the students were out of the class but we were still in the classroom, staying behind. I knew this lass the first time met her, she was cute a little but some kind of a cynical one. So far we just a friend. She was nice sometimes but sometimes so annoying. Ridai was a name for this lass but everyone called her Dai.
Yeah, she was right; there was something wrong with me. I was having a dilemma. I had two lasses in my life at the moment that I had to choose become my gal. They were named Citra and Emma, I loved both of them but I just couldn’t take them both. I had to choose. Finally I poured it out to Dai the lass,
“Yes, you are right! I have a problem, it’s a dilemma” I was narrating.
“Okay, go on! I am listening Joe”.
And then I poured all out to her about my dilemma for I knew that she was a lass like Citra and also Emma and I wanted to ask for a suggestion which one that I had to take Citra or Emma. After telling about Citra and Emma looked like I asked her.
“After hearing on my story, can tell me which one the best for me is?” after asking this question, what a surprised! D’you know what she utter to me? When she opened her mouth she was shivering and then….
“Joe! Don’t you ever feel or know about what I feel towards you so far? Oh,, Joe! I also love you like Citra and Emma Do”. Oh, man! What have I done? I was so flabbergasted to hear her statement. How come I could get that answer? I actually wished an answer for my query but what I got here? Another problem again! Oh… mercy me God! Unbelievingly I mouthed tersely,
“Give me a break! Not those words! You are not serious, aren’t you? You are pulling my leg, right Dai?” Dai looked at me with her eagle eyed stare full of emotions.
“Joe! It really is true! I love you Joe! You! How foolish you are! Have you ever known that I have been keeping this feeling for two years” Oh, God! What I happened to me? Deep in me still disbelieved this. But no suffer fools gladly,
“Oh... Dai! Come on please! We are friend you know!” But constantly she uttered the three magic words again and this time with a shivering intonation denoted seriousness mixed shame. Directly I said,
“Okay! You are not serious with that, right? I am just punk’d, aren’t I? Come on go home!” I felt in my bones at that jiffy that she in essence was serious but I just veered the situation.
The campus was 300 m from the main road, we both shambled no word, no music, no song, yet I plumbed this as what this is I-don’t-know event.
By the main road she sat on the bench in a bus halt but I stood right before her. This lass was notI stared at this lass inanely,
“Joe, please take me as your girl friend! She kept on insisting and this time she turned on water works. Mercy me God! For all of this.
“Come on!” I still had an unfinished problem with Emma and Citra and then came again this lass as another new problem to me. Mercy me, mercy me God!
“Hey… How come I can take you as my girl friend if I don’t have any feeling about that, oh… come on Dai! Understand me, puhleease!” I quacked like a sitting duck. Waterwork was working at the moment.
“Oh… shit! Are you crying? For haven’s shake! Stop it!” I just didn’t get it why she became so ridiculous. She kept on insisting me to be her boy friend while crying. I lost my stupid control and this time I cared not her feeling anymore, I flagged down the minibus, got on and jetted.
Staring into the nowhere space thru the window, I was startled by the patter of rain thru the window and its tiny drops like a hundreds little fists punching my face. It was raining that afternoon. Could I be wrong with all I’d done to be her so that the sky sad and shed tears,
“Forgive me God for all of this!” slured in my voice.
At 7:30 in the evening, I reached home, I didn’t take a bath nor had a dinner, I idly sunk into my bedroom.
“Come on Dai, stop that drivel” I uttered words for sometimes. Her voices were still like dins that jarred on my nerves.
“Why me Dai? Don’t you find any other boys but me? Come on Dai, you are my friend, I even don’t have a feeling for you, sorry me Dai! Sorry me!” but there was something strange I had when Dai expressed her crush on me. I didn’t know, gradually I forgot about my problem with Emma and Citra, it was Dai the cause of it. Couldn’t sleep, I was just ruined by this lass.
NEVER TRY TO BUY LOVE
BECAUSE WHENEVER YOU BUY LOVE YOU SELL YOURS
LOVE ISN’T A KISS, HUG NOR A WORD
BUT LOVE IS AN UNDERSTANDING, A SHELTHER, LEARNING, PATIENCE, FAITH AND LOYALTY.

Work II
“I wasn’t like a man”


It was a bad morning that I had ever had. I felt that I had no eyes it was really heavy and felt like I lied in a dank cellar.
I got up idly, I washed my puffy face. When I saw my face before the mirror, it was like that I was somebody else, somebody that wasn’t like me.
“Oh… damned me!”
Clock chimed eleven times shrouded that it was 11 o’ clock. Meaning that I had to get ready to go to the campus. After having lunch I threaded my way as usual, I took a minibus. I lived about 2 hours by bus to my campus.
In the campus I sat by the bench in front of it, I was waiting for the class but in my mind still droning on about Dai and I was like that I had to apologize for what I had done, I was so idiot cruel to her, didn’t want to understand her. I was penitent for that.
“Okay!” I mumbled to myself.
“I am gonna wait for her here and I apologize for what I’ve done, but yeah... whatever it is, I can’t take her as my girl for there’s no feeling for her, sorry me Dai for that!”
But after waiting for ages she hadn’t come yet, I entered the class to have a lecture. After fifteen minutes studied she came into the class,
“Sorry sir, I am late” she begged the lecturer softly. She was different at the time; she was so beautiful and so fascinating, dashing and everything. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. How come she could be like that? I was in a daze. But she didn’t look at me even a glimpse; she cut me dead this time.
After class, on the way home, I approached her and wanted to apologize but what I got, oh… God she did cut me dead, she flatly refused to talk with me.
“Oh… What’s wrong with me?” for three days I was neglected, I got decayed and I came to a conclusion as a defense of myself,
“Okay Dai!” before her I rhymed a daft poem of my rhapsody “Alright then, if you don’t want to talk with me okay! I accept that but as for you information! I just want to say sorry, just that” I went away. I didn’t think that I would be like this, I asn’t like a man at the moment. She dumped me like a shit. I detected that she got even with me.
“Okay! Henceforward, there is nothing to do with this lass anymore. I am done. I am thru with her” I vowed myself.

Work III
“Inside out”


In my messy bedroom I wrote a letter to Citra and Emma, I said inside that I hadn’t been ready yet for a dating with the reason that I had to stayed focus on my study but I didn’t make it with the letters, I didn’t send them. Dai was the crux of this entire drawback. “BUT WHAT THE HECK! I must burry it all and get rid of it” I was expressing my real feeling.
High and dry, I was built a castle in the air and while enjoying myself with my daydreams suddenly, I was so startled by a cracking sound behind me,
“Whatta!?” it was Dai with an innocent smile on her face coming towards me and…
“Hi… Joe! How is it going?” I was so stiff like a statue didn’t know what to utter. In a slurring confusing voice I responded…
“I…I… oh… good!”
“Oh…Joe! After contemplating all I think I have made some mistakes to behave so stupid to you. What more when I cut you dead like a dead meat and that was so wrong! Sorry me Joe!” I never stopped being flabbergasted by this lass,
“Oh… it’s okay! I understand that and that was really my fault not yours and I really am sorry for that!” I inserted some emoticons signs in my words.
“No Joe! Not you but me! I shouldn’t push you to have me; I am so pushy and so bloody ridiculous. That’s my bad okay! And I think a friend will be alright for us”. It was like that she had understood then. From then on, there was nothing to worry about again for at the moment we had been just friend.
Emma had gone to another town to have a job as a secretary for a plantation company at the town. And Citra after finishing her education from Med school she visited me and she invited me to meet her family in her hometown but I refused that and she was rather disappointed and now both of them had been married. What was to be done? I just followed my nose at the jiffy.
“Sorry me ladies for letting you all down”.
The time was five in the afternoon; the lecture for the English Drama class didn’t come so I concluded with a trip for going home. I was alone devoid of dud guys around. Enjoying my steps, I was humming an I-don’t-know-kind-of-song.
“Hey… Joe! Wait up!” right behind me Dai flagged me down like a bus.
“What now!” in side my heart I was quizzing.
“Hey…why so hurry! May I join you? I have no friend to jet home”
“Yes, of course” answered I.
“Joe?”
“Yes”
“I can’t Joe!”
“What d’you mean’ you can’t’?” I was so perplexed by her words.
“I can’t level you as a friend, Joe!’ I LOVE YOU”. Oh…cursed! Here came again,
“Why that again Dai? Have we promised that we are just friend? What’s wrong with you guys?” unbelievingly I was so surprised grousing to the lass.
“Joe? Puhlease! I just don’t have any idea why but I just can’t, would you gimme a chance Joe?” Hearing that,
“Okay! I give you a week to make me love you” wow… I was so being arrogant at the jiffy for I couldn’t stand any more facing this pushy lass. She was being so kooky. I dithered, dried up and I even didn’t know what I was doing.
It was saturnoon, a week had past and it was the jiffy for a final decision whether I accepted her or not. During the week days I tried to delve into her life and studied her like a book. Once, when we were going home from the campus, it was raining at the moment and I was so sympathetic, she did understand me, she knew what I just wanted, yes, she was so clever. I had never realized that before. Under the verandah of a house we took a shelter from a rain, she looked at straight into my eyes and without saying a words she wiped my wet face up with her hanky that smelt so sweet, its smell was just like hers.
She did it! She stole my heart! In my judgment she was acumen and finesse, she was also affable, cooperative and full of energy, so great gorgeous and clever some how.
Before her I proclaimed that I also loved her.
“Okay!” In a serious manner I expressed my decision.
“I am…I …am, okay! I am yours!” finally I proclaimed that to her.
“Yessssss! Thanks God! My wish is granted!” she was so exciting on hearing what I was just saying.
“Thank you Joe! Here! I put it on your finger” she took out a golden ring and put on my finger.
“You know? I lost this ring a couple days ago and I said to myself if I found it again that means you will take my love and this morning after getting up I just didn’t know how? Lucky me! I found it right under my bed and that was true! You accept my love, and now! This ring will be yours, thanks God!” wow… this lass was so unpredictable. I thought I also had been falling in love with her.
“Henceforward, you are mine and I am yours!” she threw at me her nicest smile that I hadn’t ever seen before, that was so charming. I liked it.


Work IV
“Just a flying start”


After going steady for two months, the boat of love was rocked.
It was the first day in the campus after two weeks semester holiday. One of my mates came approaching me,
“What’s up Joe? How’s the holiday?”
“Oh… not better then before, what about yours?” I chatted my mate called Yani, she was a really crony to me.
“Nothing special! Just pottering about my house”. And Yani continued her words,…
“Joe, I know and everyone knows that you have been steady with Ridai”.
“And then, what?” I inquired her.
“Nothing Joe! But there is something that you must know!”
“What is it?” I was grossly serious at the time.
“You know Joe? Last Saturday I ran into Dai and you know what she was with a guy and my friend said that the guy was her boy friend”. Yani grassed up.
“Wow… how could that be? But… it’s okay! Any way, thanks for your information” I was so appalled with that news. It was like that I had just been cheated, ‘POOR ME!’
After class, I called Dai and took her to a bistro nearby…
“Hi, how’s your holiday?” Dai greeted me with the stupid dork query.
“Good!” I ordered two glasses of avocado juice.
“Actually, there is something I want to ask you Dai!”
“Yes, what is it?”
“Okay then, but you have to be honest with me” I said firmly.
“Okay” Dai commented.
“Are you cheating on me?”
“What! Stop that crab! What are you talking about?” She depended herself.
“You know what I really do want here? ‘HONESTY’! That’s all!” I confirmed my statement. Dai was silent for a jiffy and my sight was delving into her eyes trying to find out the truth.
“Okay! I climb down over it! I will come clean, yes… I was with a guy last Saturday but!”
“But what? Is he you boy friend? Honest!”
“Alright, He is. But look!” Dai tried to elucidate.
“Bugger! But why? You’ve told me the first time we were just being steady that you had no boy friend then, but why? You’ve told me a lie, haven’t you?”
“Joe look! Hear me out Hon! Dai went on her explanation…
“Joe, listen to me okay! This guy, yes… boy friend, but it was ages ago, we had gone steady once but after that he went away and never came back to me, not even a call or a letter and then when we went steady on a date, I thought he would never come back any more”
“Stop it! I don’t wanna hear it, now I just want a certainty about our relationship, it stop right now or what? It’s all up to you now”
“Joe! Puhlease! Listen to my explanation! That was the end of us, in that day I told him that I have been thru with him and I explained that I have got a new boy friend that I really love, okay Hon! It’s clear now to you, there is nothing to do with him anymore, I LOVE YOU!”
I couldn’t say anything; my tongue was tied but in my heart said that I had to give this lass a chance, I didn’t have to be egocentric.
“Okay, it’s okay! I understand that, but I beg you not to do this again”
“I promise Hon”
Honesty will be always hurt but it gives you peace and whatever it is! A lie will always try to kill you even it sounds a truth.



Work V
“Years in years out”


I past my days thru the years full of ups and downs. For about four years I had been with Dai. I was like a henpecked husband before her but all of this I did just for my own good. Was Dai the kind of lass that I really wanted so far? I was always patient with this lass, but I loved her so much. And I had not ever cheated on her, but on the other hand Dai always cheated on me, it has been about four times I had been cheated by her but as for me that was okay, for I knew I would be able to go thru with it.
One day, I took a walk with two friends of mind after class, they were Suka and Vivin. At the moment I was treated for a meat ball by them. On the way home after having a meal, Vivin spoke out about Dai on purposely, she told that yesterday she saw Dai with a guy and Vivin said that the guy was her boy friend. Oh…my! I was cheated again and again. Knowing that, for the next day I made an appointment with Dai and for the several times I made a feud with this lass,
“Where did you go on last Thursday?” I asked Dai
“Oh…I went with Vivin. What’s wrong?” She lied again to me, she told me that she went with Vivin but like Vivin said that she saw Dai with a guy, what a liar!
“How many times I have told you? Don’t lie to me! You went with your another boyfriend, didn’t you?”
“Oh… Joe! I am sick off you now. You are so naïve! You have known that I have another beside you, why don’t you find another one beside me, you are so stupid Joe! No one is loyal Joe, especially in these days”.
I was so fucking shocked to hear what she just said. How could she tell me that? Dai was all crazy.
“What! How come you can say that ugly words to me? Just for your information okay! I love you and I do in my way not your way, it may be just okay for you to have more then one lover but it’s different for me, in my way what I know is I will be always loyal with one lover even I know that my lover has more then one beside me, like you! I don’t care if you have many lovers but what I know is I am still loyal with you, that’s all! And I am not afraid of being one of your lovers to compete with others to have you but if you ask me to get another girl beside you okay! I do that but you have to break up with me first and after that I will find another girl, what say you?” I was so angry at the jiffy, I just couldn’t understand why she did that so me.
“Joe! Please, stop it! I am so confused you know! You are a good boy, I am not suitable with you”.
“Oh…Dai please! If you really don’t love me anymore just dump me okay! I won’t be angry with you even you dump me like a shit; I am all ready for that! But still I say I love you”.
“Oh…God! What I have done? I am so bad girl, yeah… I admit that I have cheated you often but you always be good to me, it is not fair Joe! Joe I love you Joe! I am sorry Joe! Several times I try to throw you away from my mind but I just can’t do it, oh God help me!”
“Hey… it’s okay! I didn’t mean to be angry with you, okay! It’s up to you now, I am ready even I am just your number two or three or whatever I don’t care, Dai, don’t you ever realize, all the things that I want is I just want to make you happy, that’s all! I just can’t stand seeing you sad like this, okay…now you are my queen and about me it’s all up to you, Dai… God still loves you. You may think that I am stupid or naïve but let me just like that cause as long as I love you I am willing to become stupid or even dorky, I don’t care, I LOVE YOU DAI!”
“No Joe, you are not stupid, but I am, I suppose to be happy to have you, you are still loyal to me, good to me but what have I done to you?”
“Ssst! It’s okay! Have your drink!”
“Joe, I promise myself to try to be loyal to our love”
“Come on! Just forget it! The most important is you are happy and I will do every thing to make you happy, I promise that!” I just didn’t know why I was like this towards this lass.
“Thank you Joe for being so nice to me, I am so wondering why you do this all to me?”
“Dai, haven’t you known that you chose me to be your heart guard? And for that I promise to keep your heart good, you may not believe in true love but I promise I can give you a true love even it can kill me someday I have been ready for that”.
“Thanks Honey!”
“Don’t mention it! It may be my fate to have as my better half”
After that every thing changed even a little but I was happy for I have understood what true love is.
A TRUE LOVE IS ALWAYS GIVEN NOT FOUND AND TRUE LOVE IS ALWAYS US NOT HIM, HER AOR THEM.
TRUE LOVE IS I will always wait for you even though I know that you won’t come.
TRUE LOVE IS I will keep on saying I LOVE YOU even you break my heart.
TRUE LOVE IS I will always make you happy even though I am dying in having you.



Work VI
“A lonely heart cried alone”


Exactly in 2006, I still haven’t finished my collage even up to now, but Dai had finished her collage and I didn’t know where she was at the jiffy. After graduation from the collage I had never met her again let alone she always broke her promise. Even though she always promised and promised that she wouldn’t have affair but she always broke it.
Almost three or more we hadn’t been in touch any more and one day I met a friend of mine, she also used to be Dai’s good friend. Maria was her name. She was a good girl and that day she told me that Dai was in Kuala Simpang Aceh Tamiang. She had succeeded in her career to be a civil servant there. Hearing that, I sent her the massage via SMS. Here was the SMS;
‘HI, HOW ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE? HOW COME YOU NEVER TELL WHERE YOU ARE NOW? WHERE ARE YOU NOW DAI? AND HOW ABOUT OUR RELATION? IS IT OVER?”
And then about an hour I got the answer from Dai and the SMS was like;
‘HI, I AM FINE; I AM IN KUALA SIMPANG NOW. I GOT A JOB HERE. ABOUT OUR RELATION, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT. YOU? YOU WANT IT OVER, DON’T YOU?’
To read the SMS I lost my temper and I replayed;
‘HEY… HOW COULD YOU! I AM TIRED IN LOVING YOU, DON’T YOU EVER FEEL IT! AND NOW IT’S UP TO YOU, IF YOUWANT IT OVER, SO OKAY, IT’S OVER. I AM TIRED OF IT’.
About a day I waited for the answer but I hadn’t got yet. About 8:30 at night my mobile rang at the moment I was gathering with some friends in my hometown. For the first time I thought a friend was calling but when I took a look, it was an SMS from Dai and I was very shocked to read it. It was like;
‘JOE, I AM SO SORRY, ACTUALLY I STILL LOVE YOU BUT IT’S DIFFERENT NOW, I HAVE BEEN BETROTHED WITH A MAN AND I CAN’T REFUSE HIS PROPOSAL, HE IS VERY GOOD AS WELL AS HIS PARENTS TO ME. FORGIVE ME JOE!
It was so hurt. I was eaten from inside, but what was to be done? That was the real thing that I had to accept and then I wrote her again as the response from her SMS;
‘THAT’S GOOD! FINALLY YOU ARE HAPPY, YOU FIND THE RIGHT MAN FOR YOU, WHAT I WANT SO FAR IS GRANTED NOW, DON’T YOU REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT ALL THE THINGS THAT I WANT IS TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND NOW YOU ARE HAPPY BUT I AM SO SORRY THE MAN IS NOT ME BUT STILL I SAY I AM HAPPY, FORGIVE ME IF I HAVE LET YOU DOWN SO FAR’
From then on, I knew that was the end but I was still happy even though I was in a ruin. And then at that night I got the SMS again from her.
‘JOE, I KNOW IT’S MY ENTIRE FAULT, I ALWAYS DISAPPOINT YOU. LIKE I TOLD YOU I AM A BAD GIRL, YOU CAN CURSE ME OR BADMOUTH ME! I WILL ACCEPT THAT JOE BECAUSE I DESERVE THAT’
‘DAI MY LOVELY HEART, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT BUT MINE, NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN OKAY! DAY, I WILL NEVER AND NEVER CURSE OR EVEN BADMOUTH SOMEONE THAT I REALLY LOVE, NEVER!’
‘BUT IT’S MY FAULT JOE’
‘FOR ME! YOU ARE NOT ONLY MY LOVER BUT YOU’VE EVER BEEN A GOOD FRIEND, A SISTER AND EVEN A MOTHER TO ME, EVEN THOUGH SO FAR YOU HAVE HURT ME BUT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU’
‘JOE, I LOVE YOU JOE! IF EVER GOD GIVES US THE SECOND CHANCE WOULD YOU STILL ACCEPT ME?’
‘IF I GOD THE SECOND CHANCE I WON’T LET YOU GO LIKE THIS MOMENT’
After sending this SMS to Dai, she called right away but no word was spoken only sounds of crying I could hear that made me like just been cut off. By the mobile I said;
“Hey……ssssssssst….please don’t cry! Please! Look you are not beautiful if you are crying, stop it my princess. I don’t like if you are crying like this. I want you happy; you don’t have to think about me! I am fine over here, please my butterfly stop that tears roll down your dainty face”
But she kept on crying, about thirty minutes she cried, no word was out her mouth.
“Now, stop the tears! And go to sleep! You must be tired after working this day, sleep and have a nice dream, you Dai will never die in my heart”
And she stopped crying and then she sent me SMS, it was like;
‘THANKS JOE, I JUST WANNA HEAR YOUR VOICE. JOE EVEN IT’S LIKE THIS WE ARE STILL FRIEND RIGHT’
‘OF COURSE! MY BEST FRIEND! YOU WILL BE ALWAYS MY GOOD FRIEND, HEY… YOU NEED A REST OKAY! TOMORROW YOU WILL GO TO WORK, COME ON! GO TO SLEEP’
That was around 02 in the morning. At last we she sent me her last SMS in that morning;
‘OKAY! NOW WE ARE A GOOD FRIEND, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING! GOOD NIGHT JOE!’
‘GOOD NIGHT!’
Let me cry for my girl’s happiness



Work VII
“The last words for a thousand sentenced”


A lovely morning with the warmest shine of the soft reddish sun in the east smiling on me thru the glass of my bedroom window. Its smile went thru like a smooth tiny fingers touching my lips sweet until my eyes were charmed in lovely twinkle.
Everything was new, but in my heart still I felt a missing thing but the day tried to cheer me up thru the nicest sounds of small birds singing in every tree around my house.
Deep in me I said that I had to be strong with all of this, I had to start something new and fresh, life was so dashing so I worried nothing but….oh… I clear forgot, I had a pile of clothes that I had to lave. Oh…man! I had to do the laundry myself. I turned the music on my mobile and put into my ears thru the earphones. While enjoying the music I did my laundry.
When I was drying the clothes up my music stopped by a SMS and I thought that was a friend but I was wrong, it was Dai again;
‘HI… JOE! HOW ARE DOING FRIEND?’
And I wrote her back;
‘NEVER BETTER’
‘JOE, ABOUT LAST NIGHT, I AM SORRY OKAY BUT…’
‘HEY, STOP IT! JUST FORGET IT ALL OKAY, WE ARE FRIEND NOW AND NEVER TALK ABOUT OUR PAST ANY MORE OKAY!’
‘OKAY, I’LL DO’
Willy nilly, I had to forget her as my lover and I had to find another one for my true love. After a couple of week finally I had a new acquaintance and she was good, nice and so beautiful, her name was Amelia and I called her Amel. She worked in a mall and almost every night I went there just to meet her and talked with her. I found this lass was interesting to talked with. She was affable and so cute. I really liked this lass but I hadn’t confirmed with this lass yet.
After three weeks, finally I stated myself to confirm my feeling towards her. As usual, I with a friend of mine went there on a motorbike. When we got on the location I got rush and ready to meet Amelia but while on the stairs my mobile was ringing and when I took a look, it was Dai. Oh… what again now? What a surprise! When I read the SMS, it was like;
‘JOE! IT’S ME DAI, JOE FOR GOD’S SHAKE I CAN’T GO AWAY FROM YOU, THE MORE I TRY TO FORGET YOU THE STRONGER FEELING I HAVE TOWARDS YOU, IT’S LIKE THAT I CAN’T LEAVE YOU JOE, I DO LOVE YOU JOE!’
Here came again. Dai was all crazy the first time I met her, I was sure someday I would get killed because of her. “Forgive me God!” Then I wrote Dai back;
‘OH…MY! WHAT THAT MEANS? WHAT ABOUT YOUR FIANCE? DAI PLEASE! YOU HAVE BEEN BETROTHED WITH HIM, THINK ABOUT THAT DAI?’
‘I HAVE, JOE! I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT AND ABOUT HIM I DON’T CARE, I LOVE YOU JOE’
For that SMS I couldn’t step on my leg. I stopped on the stairs and I got back.
“Hi...Joe! where d’you wanna go dog? My friend asked me in confusion.
“Just go back!”
“What about Amelia? You said that you wanna go steady with her”
“Stop talking, ginger! Something urgent, come on go home!”
“Whatever you say Joe! Freak!” my friend was so confused with what I did. We got home and when I reached home I called Dai.
‘Hey…what’s wrong with you? Don’t you think what you’re doing is really wrong? It is mistaken you know?’
‘Yeah, I know but… I don’t care any more because I do love you Joe’
I knew that it was wrong and I was mistaken if I went steady again with Dai while she had been betrothed but I also didn’t care. I was lost for my feeling. I really loved this lass.
Since that night, we again went steady like we did before. She always came to my office and after working we always spent the times together. Until one night around 12 midnight I got a call from a man that I knew that he was Dai’s fiancé. It was like;
‘Hello… who is it? Is it Joe?’
‘Yes, I am Joe, who’s speaking?’
‘Oh… yeah! Do you know Ridai?’(He asked me about Dai.)
‘Yes, who are you any way?’
‘I am Dai’s friend’ (he didn’t admit that he was Dai’s fiancé)
‘Oh… yeah, so? What is it about?’ (I kept on asked him)
‘Nothing, (and then he turn off the mobile)
I told Dai about this but Dai seemed didn’t care at all. About a month we went together and one night, it was late and I took Dai home. It was about 12 o’clock. On the way home I got a phone call from Dai’s fiancé but this time I didn’t want to play hide and seek again and then I picked up the phone.
‘Hello, it’s me Joe’ what’s up?’
‘Nothing Joe! I just want to ask about Dai, is she home yet?’
‘Yes, she is just alright, she is home by now’
‘Oh… I see’
‘Hey… why don’t you just tell me the truth? You aren’t her friend; you are her fiancé, aren’t you?” (Finally I broke the ice)
‘Hella! If you have already known that she is my fiancée but why do you still dare to go out with her?’ (Dai’s fiancé was angry with me)
‘Hey… be patient man! I know you are her fiancé but please understand me man?’
(I was so fucking confused at the time till I forgot that I actually was wrong in the case but I didn’t care, I kept on defended her)
‘Okay Joe! I know about your relation with Dai but Joe! She’s been my fiancée and how could you still go with her, okay then! I know you love her and want to get her okay! We can talk about this’
‘Okay, if you want that but where we are going to talk?’
‘We can talk it about in Dai’s house. What say you Joe? And if you really are a man, you come! Okay!’
‘Okay! I’ll be there tomorrow’ (oh.. man I was so crazy at that time. I took his challenge to come to Dai’s house to talk about the problem. In my mind I was so afraid, how could I face Dai’s parents and what would I say about all of this? “Oh… God help me! I just don’t know what I have done”
The time for the final had come. I asked a friend to come with to accompany me to Dai’s house but no one dared for Dai’s hometown was my hometown enemy. It was a thriller. In my mind said that I was gonna die that day but I didn’t care, I was born as a man so I will be a man! I didn’t care what gonna happen to me, if I got died so let me die!
At five in the afternoon, I went there by a motorbike with a friend, my good friend, we reached Dai’s house about six in the afternoon. There I met Dai’s fiancé and I went straight to him, greeted and shook his hand…
“I am Joe”
“Nice to know you Joe!”
And then we went into Dai’s house. In side the house I found Dai’s father and mother and also Dai’s brother. I sat beside Dai’s fiancé, right in front of me Dai’s father, mother and Dai herself and also Dai’s brother. Dai’s father was very angry, he hit the table several times and he was also angry with me. Dai’s mother was mocking at me and Dai’s fiancé tried to bully me. I was really a sitting duck at the moment but Dai said not a word, just kept silent. I didn’t know what to say, every time I opened my mouth, I was always blamed, yeah… I did deserve that indeed.
Finally, Dai’s father asked Dai to choose me or her fiancé but Dai just kept silent. The situation was getting worse and worse as Dai’s mother fainted because couldn’t stand seeing us any more. And then I stood and began to open my mouth again but this time I did it firmly
“I am so sorry to make all this mess, I know I am wrong but” and then I continued my words to Dai’s father…
“Sir! I have the reason why I am here, I can understand your anger but sir, I admit that I do really love Dai Your daughter that’s why and that the reason why I am here, but sir you don’t have to be so angry because we can talk about it in a good way but everything is messy now and it’s all my mistakes and please forgive me for that!” And it was the time for the last word for a thousand sentences; I approached Dai and told her …
“Dai! Forgive me I can’t keep you and I have to let you go, I can’t fight your parents who have brought you up until you become somebody like this, instead of making your family broken it’s better for me to yield, I am sorry, love your parents Dai! They really love you and it’s better for you to get back to your fiancé” I could see Dai’s tears were rolled down on her dainty face that I used to touch and kiss with love. In my heart I sang
“Don’t cry my butterfly! I won’t ever fly again with you above the beautiful flowers”
I left her, and I saw myself walked out the door but I knew it didn’t happen just that, God was giving me a precious lesson that only some guys have. My love was tested and now I realize that even though I didn’t have Dai but it doesn’t mean I have lost my love. I still have it and it becomes bigger now and I am still waiting for a girl who likes my Dai, my Hasda Kasaci takes it and if I find the own of this love and then I promise my death that she will be loved till the time stops.